Moisturizer

I make my own moisturizer and cleanser.

Body:
Mix 2 drops of lavender essential oil (or your favorite essential oil) per 1 ounce of safflower oil.
Apply after shower to towel dried skin.

Face:
Mix 1 part castor oil to 1 part safflower oil (if you find this too drying, use less castor oil).
Apply a very small amount after shower to towel dried skin.

You can also use this facial mixture to clean your face. It will remove dirt, impurities, and even waterproof makeup.
Apply a quarter-sized amount to your hands and massage into skin for a minute or so.
Wet a washcloth with hot water from the tap, warm enough to open your pores but not scalding.
Hold the washcloth to your face until the cloth starts to cool, rinse it out, and repeat a few times.
You are trying to steam your skin, open the pores, and release impurities.

I have very sensitive skin and the oil does not cause me to break out. My skin is much less sensitive to these forms of moisturizer and cleanser than to popular manufactured products with their questionable ingredients (Dimethiconol, Carbomer, Methylparaben).

What are we doing tonight?
Tonight? We make soap.

How to Be Attractive

Ninety percent of what I do takes place in my head. The remaining ten percent comprises the execution stage. I examine many possibilities, take in information, conduct research, weigh the alternatives, decide on the most effective and efficient solution or course of action, and then I execute.

I have mentioned to a few people that my physical attractiveness is a result of this very process. I am fascinated by all topics related to psychology, and the psychology of physical beauty in our culture is no exception. I wanted to know what makes a person attractive in the eyes of others, and what the benefits of attractiveness are (of which there are many, but that is a post for another day).

I read many books on attractiveness, nutrition, fitness, and self-care, including these favorites to which I still refer on a regular basis:
1. Survival of the Prettiest: The Science of Beauty by Nancy Etcoff - Etcoff discusses what features contribute to attractiveness and the survival value of beauty.
2. Makeup Makeovers by Robert Jones - Jones presents a how-to guide on makeup application with amazing photo illustrations.
3. Skinny Bitch by Rory Freedman - Freedman discusses the benefits of a vegan lifestyle.
4. Strength Training Anatomy by Frederic Delavier - Delavier lists essential free weight exercises for each muscle group in a detailed illustrated guide.
5. Sports Nutrition by Anita Bean - Bean covers the basics of how nutrition contributes to and works together with exercise.

Some basic essentials of female attractiveness include the following:
1. Maintain your ideal weight with a body mass index of 21 and a waist-to-hip ratio of 0.7. This is achieved with diet, exercise, youth, and a not having children.
2. Work to have clear, dewy skin that is free of acne and wrinkles by using gentle soap, exfoliate regularly, use eye cream and moisturizer every day, and use good quality makeup that matches your skin tone.
3. Eyes should be large, clear, and sparkly. Avoid alcohol and drugs, get adequate amounts of sleep, use luminizing concealer and shadow, and use eye whitening drops if necessary.
4. Have long, glossy hair that looks feminine by taking your B vitamins and using conditioners and creams.
5. Get straight white teeth with braces, veneers, and/or bleaching strips, and remember to floss. Lips look best when full and hydrated. Dark lipstick can age you drastically, so aim to use lighter colors on your lips.
6. Develop curves in all the right places (back, waist, hips, buttocks, legs, and arms) with exercise, proper nutrition (NOT with dieting, but as a lifestyle), exercise, eating healthy, and exercise - especially weight training, which so many women neglect. I have never been as secure about my body image as when I concentrate on strength training and bodybuilding.
7. Strive for symmetrical facial features by using artful makeup techniques or plastic surgery.
8. Get self-confident by finding friends who are encouraging and can help you achieve your full potential.
9. Increase your energy levels by exercising regularly, eating plenty of slow-digesting carbs, fruits, and vegetables, and by taking a multivitamin.
10. Get that je ne sais quoi by accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and constantly seeking to build your relationship with God.

Makeup

I have recently become interested in (aka obsessed with) makeup, as in cosmetics. I have arrived at the realization that it takes tons of expensive cosmetics, brushes and tools, and loads of time to achieve a perfect, “natural look” that makes it appear as if you are not wearing any makeup at all.

According to one “how to” website, you need the following items to achieve a natural look with your makeup: blush, brush, concealer, eye shadow, eye liner, face powder, foundation, lip gloss, lipstick, lip liner, makeup brushes, and mascara.

This is no small undertaking, folks.

After 18 years of mostly failed experimentation with makeup, I have finally realized that there is an art form to it. I was finally convinced of this fact after perusing books on how to apply makeup.

I am fascinated by psychology, especially as it relates to culture, so I began to read research that addressed the question, “What is beauty?” I suppose if I’m painfully honest, I will admit that I wanted to learn secrets that would help me to appear more attractive. While surfing Amazon, some of the “So you’d like to. . .” lists caught my eye. Some of them not only addressed beauty in a sociological sense, but I discovered many how-to books on the application of cosmetics. I also discovered that in any given chain bookstore, there are dozens of books on how to apply makeup. You’d think I would have gotten the hint sooner that this is no easy enterprise. But when I saw the volume of literature, the light bulb finally clicked on.

I am overwhelmed by the number of brands, colors, and types of makeup in the supermarket alone, where you go to purchase food, not beauty products. I have to carefully avoid this aisle so as to avoid brain overload. There is simply too much to choose from: light, dark, shimmer, matte, pressed powder, loose powder, liquid, cream, pencil, volumizing, lengthening, etc. ad nauseum. Incidentally, I feel the same way about the shampoo aisle. One major problem in our society is the availability of too many choices, but that is a commentary for another day.

Have you ever entered Sephora or a similar makeup boutique? It’s as if you’ve stepped into an alternate universe, a rip in the fabric of reality where heaven and hell coexist. There are so many pretty sparkly things. Yet there are so, so many pretty, sparkly things.

Quality of makeup does matter. You get what you pay for, which makes me feel some passive-aggressive anger, as I am a bargain shopper and wish I could tell you that the drugstore stuff is just as good.

I have looked at my face so many times in the mirror that I can not possibly begin to be objective about how I look, makeup or sans makeup.

I suspect this is true of most women. Do you see women and wonder how in the world they convinced themselves that they looked presentable (too much blush, too much eye shadow, unnatural foundation)? Am I one of those women?

This woman achieved a natural look with plenty of makeup: foundation, concealer, peach eye shadow on her lid and a darker color in the crease, mascara, highlighter on her brows, lip liner, and some nude colored lipstick. She skipped the blush to make the look appear “natural.” See how easy it is to make it look like you’re wearing nothing on your face?

How to be a Genius

Keep your mouth shut.
Unless you are extremely knowledgeable on the subject.
And even then, just be quiet.
Read a plethora of books and literature.
Do not watch television. Watching TV burns fewer calories than sleeping.
Learn obscure vocabulary words, but never use them solely to impress others.
Communicate almost exclusively in written form.
Overanalyze everything until it means nothing.
Throw out all the information you “know” about everything.
If “everyone” does something a particular way, do it differently.
Beware of things you feel you are “supposed” to do.
Doodle during business meetings or lectures.
Give yourself a weird and unique hair style. It’s best you do this yourself rather than go to the salon so you do not become one of those people who conform to the non-conformists.
Get to know yourself really, really well.
Turn all thoughts into metaphors.
When you do speak, which should be very rarely, talk in rhymes.
Ask questions and spend much of your time listening.
Do not take anything at face value.
Be obsessed with your work. Geniuses have to put out a lot of crap to produce the pearls.
Have serious emotional issues. Be clinically depressed or addicted to something. If you need help getting depressed, read a lot of existential literature (the writings of Jean Paul Sartre, Henry Rollins, and Chuck Palahniuk can give you a place to start).
Get a lot of therapy, but do not get too psychologically healthy.
Realize that you will get more criticism than accolade for being a genius.
Relentlessly pursue some artistic or creative venture, such as painting, drawing, writing, or playing an instrument.
Constantly tell yourself you are a genius.
Do not expect recognition for your genius in your lifetime.

How to Be a Hipster

1. Act like you don’t care what others think of you. After all, you don't. Who are they to define your self worth? No matter what you do or don’t do, there will always be people who do not like you. Why sweat it?

2. Eschew material possessions and protest consumerism. Act like you live in abject poverty and buy all of your clothes from the thrift store. For an extra twist, aim to look disheveled and wear mismatched colors. Never buy gifts for others. If you must give a gift, give used books.

3. Make up random jargon and throw it around. For instance, “Dude, that fixed-gear bike is sinister broccoli,” or “That guy is a total flag; he thinks he’s beautiful, but he’s not.” Even better, convert your slang phrases into acronyms and casually drop them into convo: “ETA and you risk getting worms.” (ETA = eat the apple). Of course it doesn’t make sense. That’s the whole point.

4. Everyone has a few friends who consider themselves musicians, whether that self-perception is realistic or not. Rip some of their tunes and play them loudly. When friends or bystanders ask what band you are listening to, say, “I can’t believe you’ve never heard of Orphean Sculptures. They are downright treacherous, man!”

5. Think of all the dorky things people do that attract negative attention and ridicule. Now do those things intentionally. Some examples include the following: wear a pocket protector, put tape around the frame of your glasses, button all the buttons on your shirt, or walk around with a Calculus textbook. Some of my personal favorites include walking around the grocery store with one pant leg rolled up or facing the wrong direction while riding an elevator.

6. Never purchase overpriced beverages from large multinational chains based in the Pacific Northwest. Instead, design your own logo and paste it onto Styrofoam cups. For the more creative and adventurous, design and paint your own chalice or grail. Drink your plain coffee (gasp!) while sporting these one-of-a-kind containers.