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I have been pontificating on some ways I can take better care of myself. These are my wellness goals for the upcoming months.
1. Eat more fruit, even if some of it is in the form of fruit juice.
2. Consume more protein by drinking three protein shakes per day to supplement my vegetarian diet.
3. Mix glutamine powder with my post-workout protein shake to aid in recovery and healing.
4. Take iron supplements every day.
5. Supplement my diet with a probiotic every day.
6. Get to bed by 10:30 pm every night.
7. Spend time each day focusing on my identity as Christ’s beloved daughter.
8. Take a day off from the gym each week to rest.
9. Stay away from emotionally unhealthy people.
10. Practice assisted pull ups twice a week until I am able to reach my goal of 10 unassisted pull ups. 
Ephesians 3:16-19
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
A few months ago, a good friend of mine recommended a popular brand of high fiber oatmeal, the cinnamon swirl flavor, and it is so tasty. Recently, another friend enticed me to try mixing in some peanut butter, and today I even tossed in some trail mix, and it is delicious. I have had an inexplicable craving for grapefruit juice over the past week, so I enjoyed a glass of it with my uber-oatmeal.
Speaking of friends, my pastor spoke about friendship this morning at our church’s worship service. It was one of those sermons that spoke directly to me, and it was exactly what I needed to hear. I love when that happens! I feel like God is speaking to me in a very clear and direct manner. He is affirming that what I think I have been learning about His nature and His will is on target.
Many of the ideas that follow are paraphrased from the pastor’s sermon. It is not my intention to take credit for his exegesis and wisdom.
“Love is a commitment based on the will of God and often accompanied by an emotion.”
We need friends who
1. Are willing to sacrifice on our behalf.
2. Will defend us when they are away from us.
3. Will give us the freedom to be ourselves when we are with each other.
4. Are constant encouragers.
How many of us have friends like these?
And how much greater is Christ our friend, as he embodies all of these statements.
Then, near the end of the sermon, the pastor made a statement that hit home for me: do not fight to get rid of sin; fight to see the love of Christ. Find strength in the Lord.
I have struggled with self-condemnation for many years, and recently I have begun to understand what a sin problem this attitude is. I feel tempted by a situation, and maybe I cross the line into sinful behavior, and I subconsciously think that because I am a Christian and a perfectionist, that I MUST make the right and Godly decision (read: in my own strength). When, inevitably, this fails, I beat myself up, piling sin on top of sin. (Side note: temptation alone is not a sin. It is not the first look that is sinful, it is the second and third.) I set my mind to cut off a certain behavior or thought or course of action, as if that is the solution.
But I am learning that the way I am reacting to temptation and to my sinful heart is more the problem than the actual temptation or sin about which I am worried in the first place. I am focusing all my thoughts and energy on the temptation, the sin, what I should do, and my strength or weakness in getting it accomplished. And then I fail.
Instead of fighting to get rid of sin (impossible in this lifetime, as my original nature is that my heart is so sinful), the better approach is to fight to see the love of Christ. This new perspective certainly does not free me from the responsibility to make wise and Godly decisions. But as I have written previously, for me personally, my sin problem leans more toward self-condemnation than licentiousness. I now see that to grow in my relationship with Christ, I want to focus on His love for me. I want to focus on the truth that I am His daughter, His beloved child. I want to build my identity in Christ and focus my attention and energy on Him.
And the behaviors and repentance will naturally follow. Because I cannot do it in my strength.
But I can do all things through him who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13). And the Lord my God will fight for me (Nehemiah 4:20). I am free from condemnation (Romans 8:1). I am not just one misstep away from losing God’s love; He has removed my sin from me as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12).
The snow seems to me like God is covering the wickedness of the earth with a hush.I watched sparks fly as the plow scraped the interstate. The sign on the back read, “Stay Back. Do Not Pass,” but as our lanes merged together, I was parallel with the driver. Should I maintain my pace or slow down? There is no precedent in this southern climate.The voice in the radio informed commuters that there were no major accidents to report. But stay off the roads.
Last night’s adventures are a good example of what I encounter in the gym.
[Several days ago]
Dr. Dre*: Is that your weight vest?
Me (wearing a weight vest, running up and down the stairs): Do you see anyone else around?
DD: Can I borrow it?
Me: Can you handle it?
[Last night]
DD: Where’s your weight vest?
Me: In my car.
DD: You’re in an inspiration.
Me: Uh, thanks.
DD: Are you trying to lose weight?
Me: Do I look like I need to? You think I’m fat, don’t you?
DD (look of horror in his eyes): NO! No, no. You are one of the most fit women in here. Top five, for sure.
Me: Ok. Just messing with you.
DD: I thought about what you said the other night. Do you remember?
Me: Yeah, I asked if you could handle it.
DD: Yeah, that stuck with me. I wish I were in better shape and worked out more. I feel so fat.
Me: You gotta work on that self-deprecation thing. How often do you work out?
DD: Twice a week. I used to work out five days a week. How often are you here?
Me: Every day.
DD: Six days a week?
Me: Every day. Seven.
DD: I used to do the Stairmaster five days a week. I lost seventy pounds. I used to weigh 240.
Me: Wow. You lost a lot of weight. How tall are you?
DD: About 5’7”. I really need to start working out more again. I am getting fat and out of shape.
Me (thinking all kinds of things at this point, but deciding to slip into my non-Freudian counselor mode): How often would you like to work out, ideally?
DD: Umm, about five times a week.
Me: So what is preventing you from working out five days a week?
DD (after some thought): Me. I could give you other excuses, but really I am standing in my own way.
Me: Okay, what would motivate you to work out five days a week?
DD: Signing up for a show.
Me: Yes, having a goal of competing is often motivating.
DD: I don’t want to be onstage and look fat.
Me: Yes, I can understand that.
DD: Okay, well, I’m going to do it. I’m going to work out more and get back into shape.
Me (using my inside voice): Fifty bucks says you are going to keep doing exactly what you have been doing: not working out consistently and continuing to feel bad about yourself.
Me (using my outside voice): You can do it. I have faith in you.
*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
A friend told me this story:
“I was sitting in an airport, and a man came by and told me, ‘You are very beautiful. I mean, you are an attractive woman, but there is something else about you that makes you extraordinarily lovely.’ I knew what he was talking about. I didn’t say this to him, but having Jesus in you makes you very attractive to some people. I just thanked him and he went on his way.”
I sometimes assume that people who aren’t Christians are turned off by those who are, in part because they are different, and differences invariably cause rifts, and in part because Christians themselves are often the worst evidence for Christianity. Those who call themselves Christians are often hypocrites or overly religious, cramming God down the throats of all they encounter.
But I have been surprised by the number of people who seem drawn to me, particularly as I grow in my faith. I became a Christian about four and a half years ago, and the longer I have spent on my journey, the more I die to myself and live for Christ. He is truly changing me from the inside out. It is often difficult for me to see myself as others do, but I can tell that over the past few years, people approach and respond to me differently than they did in the past. And my sense is that they notice a quality in me that they may not understand, but that I know is Jesus.
I spend a lot of time working out at the gym, and I have been passionate about exercise and a member of a gym for about ten years. For many years, though I was at the gym every evening, no one ever talked to me or approached me. That was fine with me, as I am an introvert, and I am at the gym to work out, not to socialize. And I never really gave it much thought one way or the other.
But increasingly over the past several years, people have begun approaching me, especially in the past couple of years. Granted, there are likely other contributing factors, but I cannot help but think that people see something in me that was not there before. As my identity in Christ grows, I am more confident and more at peace. People seem very intrigued by me, or by the qualities Jesus imbues in me. This is not to give myself props; there is nothing particularly special about me. I am not drastically different than I was years ago. Except God.
I feel that God is using me somehow. He has made me more approachable (often much to my chagrin; if you’ll remember from a previous post how I loathe small talk) so that He can work through me.
I have had some amusing encounters, one of which I will share with you in another post. I am not entirely sure how God is using me, but I sense that He is.
Incidentally, and while I’m on the topic of what God is doing in and through me, I have been thinking a lot about spiritual warfare. I have noticed how the evil one uses my sin and temptations to sin to make me think negative, self-deprecating thoughts about myself. It dawned on me that instead of jumping on that downward spiral, I can instead remind myself that I am a daughter of God. I am His beloved child, and nothing I do can make Him love me any less. He is there for me when I call to Him. This is not an excuse for licentiousness, but it is a comfort when I begin believing the lies about myself that I am weak and worthless.
The way that temptation and sin gets a hold on me is when I tell myself I am powerless. I start to believe that I am no good because I am tempted to be disobedient. But instead of being hard on myself, I now see that I need to come to God and tell Him I need his help. I need to believe the truth, that I can do all things through Him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13).
Sometimes as a comfort to myself, I turn on all the lights in the house.
