A Typical Evening on the Stairmaster

Last night’s adventures are a good example of what I encounter in the gym.

[Several days ago]

Dr. Dre*: Is that your weight vest?
Me (wearing a weight vest, running up and down the stairs): Do you see anyone else around?
DD: Can I borrow it?
Me: Can you handle it?

[Last night]

DD: Where’s your weight vest?
Me: In my car.
DD: You’re in an inspiration.
Me: Uh, thanks.
DD: Are you trying to lose weight?
Me: Do I look like I need to? You think I’m fat, don’t you?
DD (look of horror in his eyes): NO! No, no. You are one of the most fit women in here. Top five, for sure.
Me: Ok. Just messing with you.
DD: I thought about what you said the other night. Do you remember?
Me: Yeah, I asked if you could handle it.
DD: Yeah, that stuck with me. I wish I were in better shape and worked out more. I feel so fat.
Me: You gotta work on that self-deprecation thing. How often do you work out?
DD: Twice a week. I used to work out five days a week. How often are you here?
Me: Every day.
DD: Six days a week?
Me: Every day. Seven.
DD: I used to do the Stairmaster five days a week. I lost seventy pounds. I used to weigh 240.
Me: Wow. You lost a lot of weight. How tall are you?
DD: About 5’7”. I really need to start working out more again. I am getting fat and out of shape.
Me (thinking all kinds of things at this point, but deciding to slip into my non-Freudian counselor mode): How often would you like to work out, ideally?
DD: Umm, about five times a week.
Me: So what is preventing you from working out five days a week?
DD (after some thought): Me. I could give you other excuses, but really I am standing in my own way.
Me: Okay, what would motivate you to work out five days a week?
DD: Signing up for a show.
Me: Yes, having a goal of competing is often motivating.
DD: I don’t want to be onstage and look fat.
Me: Yes, I can understand that.
DD: Okay, well, I’m going to do it. I’m going to work out more and get back into shape.
Me (using my inside voice): Fifty bucks says you are going to keep doing exactly what you have been doing: not working out consistently and continuing to feel bad about yourself.
Me (using my outside voice): You can do it. I have faith in you.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.