Smoke and Mirrors

It seems like everyone around me is falling apart. My friends are depressed, anxious, and struggling with relationships, health, and life in general. A lot of people around me seem very insecure; they discourage others and attempt to create drama. Others are struggling with self-condemnation and feelings of worthlessness. One dear friend has checked herself into treatment for depression. Another friend has had a sick parent, health issues, and relationship issues, one after the other. Someone else told me she sees herself as a failure and suffers from feelings of anxiety and fear. Acquaintances are acting jealous and petty.

With very low humidity in the air, perhaps people’s brains are being affected by the static electricity. Every surface in my house gives me a shock. We are most comfortable in an environment where the relative humidity (the amount of water vapor actually in the air divided by the amount of water vapor the air can hold) is around 45%, and indoor humidity should not go below 30% (or above 50%). Today, the maximum humidity outdoors is only around 35%, and in the house, it has hovered around 30% for the last few weeks. My hair is crazy; it looks like I’m touching a Van de Graaff generator. I need some negative ions.

Incidentally, research shows that high levels of negative ions are a useful treatment for Seasonal Affective Disorder if the negative ions are in sufficient quantity. Seasonal Affective Disorder is a subset of depression (chronic sadness, feelings of hopelessness and helplessness) that is experienced seasonally, particularly in winter. Even for those who do not meet the criteria for a diagnosable disorder, the severely cold weather (temperatures in the teens) and limited daylight hours certainly affect people’s moods.

Additionally, people are likely suffering because of Mercury. Mercury is in retrograde, meaning that it appears to be moving backwards through the zodiac, and it has been since the day after Christmas (December 26, 2009). It will reach direct station again on January 15, 2010. In general, Mercury rules thinking and perception, processing and disseminating information and all means of communication, commerce, education, and transportation. Mercury retrograde gives rise to personal misunderstandings; flawed, disrupted, or delayed communications, negotiations and trade; glitches and breakdowns with phones, computers, cars, buses, and trains. And all of these problems usually arise because some crucial piece of information, or component, has gone astray or awry.

As Bloc Party sings in their song “Mercury,” “My Mercury's in retrograde / This is not the time, the time to start a new love / This is not the time, the time to sign a lease.”

Snarls in communication abound. The Check Engine light in my car came on last week. Unresolved issues from my past are bubbling to the surface. Mercury is creating mayhem in my life. Wikipedia is not working properly, and I feel out of sorts, because where will I get my information now?

I am struggling with sadness of my own. I cannot even seem to articulate it or understand it. I am sad for my friends who are suffering. I am grieved over experiences from my past. I battle with a loneliness of unknown origin. I know intellectually that there is no reason for me to feel lonely. I feel like I am grieving something that is just beyond my conscious awareness. Like smoke, it dispels elusively.